Can you fall out of love with yourself?
I've spent a very long time learning to love me. It's been one of the hardest journey's of my life. But when I realized I loved me I became happy. And others felt the love that I had for myself, and in turn, others loved me too. And there was all kinds of love flying every which way: my friendships were healthy and abundant, my love life was starting fresh, my family was the best, my writing was becoming fluid and unstoppable, my sex life was absolutely amazing. The love was engulfing me. And I loved all the love back truly and wholly. I was finally comfortable in my own skin, with this personality.
Then I just stopped.
I don't know when and I don't know how, but I don't feel like I love me anymore. I'm not happy as myself. I don't love the woman in the mirror as I once did. And when I look around it has effected everything: it's a struggle for me to get any face time with friends, I've stopped having crushes, my family is falling to pieces, my writing is lacking and fearful, and forget about sex. It's as if the love has vanished. Like, if I don't reflect my self-love to others, they don't see love at all. And i can't for the life of me figure out how or why but I am so scared of loving again. The road he was so dangerous to my self-worth, esteem, that I'm scared I don't think i'll be able to make this trip in tact. I'm afraid I'll lose a little piece of me along the way and the woman i emerge from at the end won't be me but a hardened shell of the woman I was.Labels: bad news bears, flawed, love |
