You could be waiting for a day that won't come
| Friday, September 11, 2009 |
| To hell with it |
| I'm done with this bullshit. I'm officially taking this year for me. Working hard to get my marks, to get out. Fuck the people. All of them. I'm done trying. Labels: fuck ya'll |
posted by Fucking Bingo @ 2:30 PM  |
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| Tuesday, September 08, 2009 |
| Ballon |
So I'm putting together this thing. This portfolio thing. Of writing. I'm so lost, I have no idea what to include or what is even good enough to include. Frustration is taking over.
So I've been trying to get a hold of people lately yet no one seems to want to see me. I've been contacting people from back home, some JPers, some Glendonites, and the randoms in between. There's been no love. Probably because school is starting up. Though not everyone goes to school, I find that time of the year gets crazy for everyone. However, i will be going home this weekend for my friend's birthday which should be fucking epic. That's right, I'm dropping F-bombs on this one. I'm so excited, he's so wicked. After my friend dropped out of his band he moved to Ottawa but has been quite lonely as no one visits him. Except for me. And I just heard that the boys from the band are surprising him so they'll be there too! I'm going to have copious amounts of fun and then, hopefully, when I arrive home I'll be able to get on track with my friends here.
Also, I don't think he reads this, but I have to say that I love my friend Trevor's photography. I've been creeping some of the photos he has on facebook and I'm loving them so much! :DLabels: confuzzled, JP |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 10:54 PM |
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| Friday, September 04, 2009 |
| I'm in so much physical pain right now. Another addition to the weirdness. |
I have been having weird visions lately. While I'm walking and listening to music I start zoning out and seeing things. Not premonitions or anything of that nature, more like the past. I keep seeing distinct images of breaking down, and all the feelings that went along with it. It's quite distressing.Specifically I'm seeing stuff from just after my mum started getting better. When she took her role back as mother and i had no control over anything in my life.
At one point in my life I was the mother. I took care of the things my dad didn't know how to do and my mum couldn't physically do. I became an adult too soon and my friends all abandoned me because they didn't understand. I don't blame them, they were just kids, afraid of the difference in me, it's not their fault. Despite losing them, I was okay because I had something to fall back on. It didn't make me happier but at least I knew who I was, I had something to hold on to. Then mum got better. And that was great, it was really great. But as she got better, I got worse. I didn't know where I stood: I wasn't a kid, yet I hadn't had the childhood to shape me as a teen. I sort of jumped from childhood to adulthood without getting the chance of seeing the in between. So I was lost when i was allowed to be young again.
Enter break downs. I probably should have been in therapy. But I don't think my parents believed in that. You can see why I do not enjoy reliving them. I'm not sure why I keep daydreaming, more like having daymares. But I think I should either do some sort of soul searching or ignoring them until they go away.
I much prefer the idea of packing them into a little mental box never to be opened again.Labels: bad news bears, family |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 9:54 AM |
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