You could be waiting for a day that won't come
| Friday, September 29, 2006 |
| Well, looky here, I'm posting |
this is partially due to drunkenness, partial due to hilarity.
i just need to share this. i had a secret, it was told (aka gossiped about). i was not the tellee.
i shared secrets with someone fabulous tonight and i'm sincerly hoping for a friendship out of this. that moment was great.
im having a craving right now, and its kiloling me.
its 530 and im drunk. i have to be up in a couple hours. im debating sleeping at all. i have thing i need to talk to someone about so i think i'll say fuck sleep.
i really don't want to be by myself tonight. i wish you would have hung out just for a bit longer, even if i had to sleep on my floor, i just want comfort.
aside from that, i got some hilarious looks to night. |
posted by Fucking Bingo @ 5:30 AM  |
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| Sunday, September 24, 2006 |
| yeah... so... |
| I'm thinking of deleting my blogs. all of them. |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 4:51 PM |
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| All Wrong |
So it's just about noon and I'm still hammered. I'm not sleeping. Fuck that noise. I have a few things that need to be said:
This is the first time I can honestly say there are parts of the night that I don't remember.
Why do I do everything wrong?
Why do I have awful taste in men?
You know how some people get really depressed and spiral down into hardcore drugs and craziness? That's me, minus the drugs.
I'm sorry, I trust you completely and I am complete shit. How's that for a tender moment? (I can't say sorry enough.)
I feel like I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I fucked up my ankle really bad last night. I am paying for it dearly. It's some god's cruel joke for me being a stupid cunt.
martini kisses
"Playing kids games, underneath the lampshade. I could kick and scream but the bedsheets are still calling your name."
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| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 11:35 AM |
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| Friday, September 22, 2006 |
| FTW? |
What is with everyone's parents coming this weekend? I guess that just means a homework day for me. I guess. Meeting your mom already? I'm so scared she'll hate me. Please don't let her hate me. Pub night was hilarious fun. I can't believe that I didn't dance most of the night away. Usually when I'm intoxicated I can't stop dancing, but I pretty much ignored the dance floor last night. That's really not like me at all. I guess I was distracted. I do feel ADD.
Since when do people spread rumours around about me? I wasn't aware I had something that people could be jealous of. Here I am, thinking I have nothing special that anyone would ever want. How foolish I turned out to be.
martini kisses
"I'm trying to sleep away the part of the day that I can not drink away."
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| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 9:52 PM |
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| Thursday, September 21, 2006 |
| In Honour Of Free Laundry Days |
martini kisses
"Scalpled, sutured, made whole again."
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| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 12:31 AM |
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| Tuesday, September 19, 2006 |
| Out of Mind |
I feel so unbalanced lately... just look at my blog. My emotions are way up, then way down, then back again. I shouldn't be left alone, that's when it gets worse. Don't get me wrong, I love my alone time, I just don't like my irrational thoughts and rationalizations. (Do the two rationals cancel eachother out? Am I just ir?)
I guess sunday can no longer count as a rejection due to the part of ignorance. That's a shame, I can no longer justify that small disappontment anymore.
I think I'm just going to ignore the things that make me all crazy like and trudge through my stupid life trying to figure out what to do and why I think I suffer from mental retardation without knowing it.
martini kisses
"Mind your eyes, mind your eyes." |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 9:41 AM |
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| Sunday, September 17, 2006 |
| Sweet Rejection |
So, this is me being right and wrong at the same time. I didn't think it was possible but you can clearly see it is.
I didn't get in the musical, which is not surprising. I don't know why I bother... oh yeah, because it's the only thing I've ever wanted to do with my life. That's a sad prospect.
I'm not supposed to be here right now, I'm supposed to be out watching a movie. Quite obviously, I am not. This was a surprise to me, though it shouldn't have been. I just can't get a break.
And now, as I await to hear from the other play, I find myself staring into a lovely identity crisis. I'd rather not go into it. I'll save my ramblings for my own mind. All I know is that I've just realised that I don't have a talent, or something I'm good at, or even a life goal. I feel entirely useless.
martini kisses
"linger on, your pale blue eyes."
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| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 10:14 PM |
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| so... |
at least I still have sunday night to look forward to... right? RIGHT?
martini kisses
"I blame the television."
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| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 2:38 AM |
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| Saturday, September 16, 2006 |
| A Dedication To Geoff May |
Also, I'm back in a good mood. (God, I feel so bi-polar!) I got work study. (yay!) I think I did really well at my audition. Let's hope I am not let down once again. Now I have 3 words to say:
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
Okay, so one word repeated. Whatever.
martini kisses
"I'll tell you all my secrets, but I'll lie about my past, and send me off to bed forevermore."
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| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 3:45 AM |
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| Friday, September 15, 2006 |
| The Excitement Has Subsided |
I don't know why I'm even on the net now. I should be in bed, sleeping.
I feel like I just smoked a pack of cigarettes. My throat is killing me for some reason. My hands smell like cigarettes. That is so odd.
I hate waiting around, hoping for answers. It makes me anxious. Very, very anxious.
I've decided I'm pretty much going to wing this monologue and song thing. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I won't get into either play. The word "meh" seems appropriate here.
I haven't heard back about work study. I trust Duncan, but I don't know if York will accept me. They have shafted me in the past, why should this be any different.
Nouvelle Vague was excellent, although I was hoping for a slightly creepier "Bela Lugosi's Dead". Oh well, I still enjoyed myself.
Once again, I am regretting the things I say and do. Fuck, I'm stupid. Not to mention blind. And I'm pretty sure, after the audition, (tone)deaf.
I have the strong urge to watch a movie, but I know I have to sleep.
I apologize for the sporadicness.
martini kisses
"I should be sleeping instead of keeping these late hours I've been keeping." |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 2:18 AM |
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| Thursday, September 14, 2006 |
| CONCERT! |
CONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERT
CONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERT
CONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERT
CONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERT
CONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERT
CONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERTCONCERT
that is all.
martini kisses
"I'm too drunk to fuck"
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| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 6:20 PM |
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| Wednesday, September 13, 2006 |
| JE SUIS EXCITE! (there's an accent there, but I'm not anal about it) |
OMG!!!! So ready for fun!
Wednesday - Metric (he'll make it so fun)
Thursday - possibly dinner then Nouvelle Vague!
hopefully more to follow!
Oh yeah, I move into my new room tomorrow!!! I think.
Do you know what my favourite thing about this blog is?
That I can the things I want/don't want to tell.
Oh shit, audition Friday. I'm not ready!
martini kisses
"You're pretty good looking for a girl."
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| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 12:55 AM |
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| Thursday, September 07, 2006 |
| Friends Love Nadia |
I'm in such a great mood now!
Tonight I realised why I love my university friends compared to the friends I didn't love in high school. I was was so surprised I thought I'd cry. and not over you anymore.
I walked in, totally unexpected, to a party for me. It was for no other reason than to show love. though I still didn't feel it from you, and it was prevalent in your half-hearted hug.
There's something else I'm ridiculously happy about but I won't discuss it because jinxing it would be bad. will you miss me?
I sang a lot tonight. I'm sorry to those who had to endure that horrid sound. I hope it wasn't that bad, because I'm serious about the musical.
Goodnight dears. Thank you, and I love you more than you will know.
martini kisses
"Wise men say: only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you." |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 2:06 AM |
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| Wednesday, September 06, 2006 |
| Falls To Pieces |
I've been feeling really down lately so I've been trying to surround myself with people and happiness but my efforts seem fruitless. I have this feeling that people are sick of me. Usually I just ignore such odd thoughts but I just can't right now.
I don't even know what else to write. I just don't want to be in silence again. I hated myself so much during that time and I can just feel it creeping back in.
martini kisses
"move on and find a new place. move on, it's time to go." |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 12:02 AM |
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