You could be waiting for a day that won't come
| Saturday, March 31, 2007 |
| *collapses* |
| My body feels so weak today. In fact, Ive felt weak for a good portion of this week. I think there is something wrong, I just don't know what it is. I'm tryng to keep my energy up so I don't think people have noticed but I am so afraid of crashing. |
posted by Fucking Bingo @ 6:30 PM  |
|
|
|
| Friday, March 30, 2007 |
| throw away my misery... it never sent a get well card |
My play went over very well. People seemed to have enjoyed it.
How come I'm not any happier? |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 11:12 PM |
|
|
|
| Friday, March 23, 2007 |
| i got a letter this mornin', what do you wreckon it read? |
| I wrote a letter to myself today. It was reassuring. It looks very.... self involved, but it really wasn't meant that way. I just needed to tell myself what i thought... of myself. It's just that lately people have been saying things that make me feel shitty, like I'm lesser. And I might be, but I don't want to think that way. No one has meant to hurt me, they are just stating their feelings. It just so happens that their feelings turn me into something that's not worth their time. I feel bad that I feel like shit from the comments. I don't really deserve to feel bad. The letter is just comforting to me. I like it. It's honest. It's something for me. |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 1:39 PM |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, March 21, 2007 |
| with no reason |
None at all. They just started to fall and I could do nothing to stop them. Not a damn thing. I don't know what to do. I'd love to say there's some underlying reason that has my feelings in fury but, honestly speaking, it's not my feelings. If I were sad, I'd know it. If I were angry, I'd know it. I know my own goddamn mind. So why can't I figure out what's going on?
Maybe because I don't know whta's going on in other aspects of my life. Not bloody likely. |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 5:23 PM |
|
|
|
| Sunday, March 18, 2007 |
| dangerous life |
I am a liar. Ever word that spills from my mouth is a deception. None of you will ever know me. There is one person I can never lie to, and I'll never know why. It's not that I will tell everything, just that if provoked, I will never lie.
I am so goddamnfuckingretardedly drunk. It's been almost 24 hours of drunkenness. I think i should be dead. But now I drink alone. All by myself.
And the alcohol is oddly comforting. I let it's race en capture me.Labels: drunktalk |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 2:19 AM |
|
|
|
| Monday, March 12, 2007 |
| She says she's leaving on sunday, that leaves me one more night |
| Yay! The video for The Format's She Doesn't Get It is out! SO damn happy. Is it sad that Nate gets more attractive the more times I watch him in videos? |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 1:46 PM |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, March 06, 2007 |
| Wake up exhausted |
| I was feeling pretty good today. I finally got up the nerve to do something. I got an ID, went to the porter's office and got myself the music room key. I felt so confident. I went to my room, grabbed some sheet music for some excellent tunes and headed to the music room. First things first, that room was disgusting. I guess we have some students here who think think they are the only ones who will use the music room, so they leave it as if it was their bedroom. I am not over exaggerating, there was dirty clothes, papers everywhere, instruments just laying on the ground, and a mic taped to a large stick that was taped to a chair along with a few glow sticks. I pushed the useless things aside so I could sit down at the piano, and placed the music. I took a deep breath, moved my hands into position and took a long hard look at the music. I made a singular note, middle C to be precise, and nervousness arose in me again. I couldn't do it. I realized I couldn't even attempt it. And now I'm back here, in my room, with a nervous pain in my chest. Nervousness that I just can't seem to shake. I wish i had courage and wasn't so ridiculous. |
| posted by Fucking Bingo @ 10:35 PM |
|
|
|
|
