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You could be waiting for a day that won't come
| Sunday, November 06, 2005 |
| Time Travel |
Last night at around 3 or 4am, I was talking with a friend of mine about highschool. Him and I have just met this year, so he was objective. I like having an objective point of view, but at the same time he was saying all my problems with high school were proboably attributed to the fact that I went to a small school. Which I'm sure is partly true. I know it's not fully true. I wasn't picked on high school, I had tons of friends, and though I rejected people who called themselves popular, I myself was popular. I ran for student rep. 3 times and got it 3 times. I ran for Spirit Minister ( a step down from Prez, but you could only be school Prez in grade 12), and I got it. I was accepted by every group, and had my own group(s). I was never excluded, went to parties, had boyfriends. Still, there was something. I think my friend was right, I think the small school did have something to do with it. I think my parents thought that way too, and thats why they never clued in on my depression. I knew I was depressed (still am a bit, you never really get over it), but I never verbalized my problems to anyone, because people talk about their problems to me, and I'm not the type of person to burden my friends when they have problems of their own. If you talk to aquaintances I went to high school with, most of them will say I was happy, and had a lot of fun. My friends will say I was happy at first, then the last 2 years I pushed away a lot of people. My close friends will say I had a hard time with high school.
I'm pretty sure the cause of my problems was my parents. A lot of depressed kids will wrongly (or even rightly) blame their parents for all of their problems. I don't blame mine, because the cause was not their fault. My mom became very sick (cancer mostly) when I was in grade 5. I was forced to grow up, missing out on some essential steps of my childhood. I hit maturity before all my friends, and that made it hard for people to properly connect with me. I don't think my mom realizes what I did to help her and my dad and my little brother. But I'll never tell her. I won't even tell my dad, and we're pretty close. People don't understand why I had to give up so much, or what I even had to give up for that matter. I had to take care of the house. I cooked and cleaned and helped my brother with his homework. I stopped taking piano lessons. I stopped going to sleep-overs. I stopped baby-sitting. I started going to the school councellor, but she didn't get it. She was nice and understanding though. And I thank her for that. What i gave up was my innocence.
Martini kisses |
posted by Fucking Bingo @ 1:53 PM  |
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| 1 Comments: |
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u bet it did. i hate assprior.
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Name: Fucking Bingo
Home: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
About Me: You could be waiting for a day that won't come. And you could be so much more than you've become. And I have found my feet, 257 weeks. But you could be waiting for a day that won't come.
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u bet it did. i hate assprior.